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The Forty-Second Year

Spring Offensive -- Selveirgard

May 12, 2007 (AS XLII)

Bodenberg Baptist Church,
Palmer, AK

From The Page (May, 2007):

O, how tacky can you get? Selviergard's annual springtime ritual is back! The site this year is between a cemetery and a farm so we can wake the dead just so long as we don't rattle the cattle! Join in the Three Offensive Contests! - Most offensive garb (PG-13 please), most offensive hat, and Shakespearean-style Insult (from memory!) Here's your chance to use that purple boa or that gosh awful psychedelic fabric that's been hiding in the bottom of your closet for years or that weird topper Aunt Marge knitted when you were 12. Truly Tacky Tourneys - Heavy and Rapier - devised by those fiends Georg and Alaryn. A Baronial fundraiser - Teams will bid on their favorite fighter who they will "dress", after armor inspection, in whatever theme they wish (bring your own!). The only rule is that it must not hinder their movement or sight, anything else goes! And Rapier fighters - word has it that the Offensive Cup is back for the taking! Then the Junk Garb Wars - Three teams will receive one roll of duct tape and a bundle of the craziest eyepoppingist fabrics imaginable. Participants will have one hour to "dress" their live model. Feast is Potluck - Stew and bread will be provided. Bring a dish that will serve 8-10, by birth month: Jan-Apr, veggies; May-Aug, desserts; Sept-Dece, side dish.

Site Information: Bodenberg Baptist Church / (address omitted) / Palmer AK. Site is open 10 am to 10 pm. Site fee is $8 for members,$l 1 for non-members, $5 for children ages 4-12. $20 family cap. Site is DRY.

Autocrat: Helen of Avebury (contact info omitted).


~ So, the event went some thing like this.....

Uproarious, outlandish, mind-boggling, side-splitting hilarity all the live long day! Even the farm animals next door were greatly amused! If ever there was an event that proves the good natured comraderie of the populace of Oertha, this was it!

We had a great turn out, 35 hardy souls and their offspring braved the change-able weather to take part in Selviergard's annual silly event. Even though the winds picked up and it became rather nippy, forcing us to move inside by evening court, the day just kept getting better and better.

The first item of silliness: the chicken slinging target shoot. Thomas Two Bears [Thomas Sorngrym] provided the craziest, crowing rubber roosters for some of the wildest target shooting ever seen in Oertha. Amazing how well those rubber chickens can fly! Lord Soren managed to put the chicken through the hoop twice.

The Truly Tacky Tourney fighter auction raised $142 for the Baronial coffers, Huzzah! Thanks to all the fighters who willing allowed themselves to be "dressed" for the occasion and the designers who dressed them. The monies raised will be used towards new thrones.

Heavy combat ended in a tie between Prince Cyrus and Sir Georg [of Glacier's Edge], who graciously awarded their prize to a first time newcomer named Alivia. His Highness, Sir Cyrus won the Offensive Cup, his name will be added on a plaque to the base of this most beautful trophy. It is his to display proudly in his home until the next Spring Offensive.

Mistress Sorcha [Caremon] won the most Offensive Garb mantle. The purple plumes on her hat put her outfit right over the top! The Junk Garb Wars did not happen this day, instead it will be added to the Border War Faire at Tolsona June 16 & 17 (get your campground reservations in!)

Evening court saw the installation of 3 new officers; Merewen [of Cottesmore] as Exchequer, Fathir [von Trier] as Constable and Soren [Søren j Alborgh] as Marshal. Their Highnesses Cyrus and Caitronia admitted Helen of Avebury (modest blushing) to the Companions of the Diamond Willow. Thank you, your Highnesses, for gracing our event with Your Presence.

Thank you to all who came, helped and enjoyed the day, it was such fun! And a very special thank you to Baron Georg, Baroness Katya [Katarzina Porajski], Fathir, Etain [O'Rowarke] and Raina for cleaning the Hall at the end of the day. You folks are such treasures and your willing hands are so very much appreciated.

Heleyne [de Aveberia]

Description of this event (if any), taken from The Page, or from memory of at least one person who attended the event.

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