From The Page (March, 1981):
FROM THOSE WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU THE WAR OF THE MINDS ...
For more than a year, the stout hearts of the Shire of Westermark have been paying exhorbitant prices for their stout. In the War of the Minds, held last year, their beloved brewery was treacherously captured in open battle and transported stone by stone deep into the black heart of Southern Shores.
A peaceful people, the Westermarkers bore this ale tax as best they could, knowing that the bursting bladders ... er ... coffers of Southern Shores were due to their involuntary contributions. Each outrageous price hike was accepted with good grace and each geometrically increasing bill duly paid. Now, however, the people have taken all they can stand. With the price of brew soaring over the $40 per keg mark, Westermark is taking action. The Westermark high command has decided that the only honorable solution is to hit Southern Shores from the rear.
Having negotiated safe passage from the College of St. David, the Westermark fleet will offload an expeditionary force on the beaches of the College. The army will then make a bold strike through the ill-guarded mountain passes which form the southern boundary of Southern Shores. With the cry of "Let our brewery go!" the army will recapture the brewery in a lightning-swift a-tack. Then, scattering the wearriors of Southern Shores like chaff before the wind, the brewery will be transported northward through Southern Shores to its rightful place amid the sylvan meadows of Westermark.
Needless to say, much pillage and booty will be available on the northeward trek. All mercenaries will be paid handsomely in addition to whatever Southern Shores ediface they can lay their hands on and carry off. How glorious is thrill of victory! The fleet will offload on May 16, AS XV[I] at 11 a.m. The Barbarians of Southern Shores will be caught totally by surprise. Mercenaries ... fight for a winner, fight for Westermark. Further information will be available in next issue of the Page. If you can't wait for that, call Catalin di Napoli (contact info omitted).
From The Page (April, 1981):
From those bizarre people who brought you THE WAR OF THE MINDS ... WAR OF THE MINDS - PART II. Coming soon to a site near you.
The Province of Southern Shores was astonished to read, in the March Page, of the Westermark HighCommand and their "secret" plans to invade our lands, (do they think we buy the page to look at the pictures??). Yes, we were surprised and delighted to learn of the honour and chivalry which the Westermark plans to show by not, that's right not attacking in the dead of night when our peaceful citizens are asleep in their beds. Instead, they have decided to employ a time-honoured ploy which they learned in Naples, the backstab!
In an attempt to justify their annual outbreak of warmongery, the Westermark High Command has claimed that the price of the beer we sell them has risen to high. Nothing could be farther from the truth! In fact, it is the outrageous import fees that they have levied upon our product which has caused the price to soar out of the reach of the common folk. Now, their coffers burgeoning with gold extorted from their own people, the Westermark High Command does seek to direct the rage of their seething Shire away from themselves and against the Peaceful Province of Southern Shores. We shall be ready! We call upon all who do love chivalry, honour, glory, loot, and all else that attends those victorious in a true cause, to aid us in repelling this invasion! Non-combatants as well as stout-hearted warriors are needed and all will be well-rewarded for their assitance against the ravening hordes of the Westermark. Mercenaries, TAKE YOUR CHOICE! Fight for a winner or fight for the Westermark High Command.
The brewery moved to a secret location and our valuables hidden, (so much for secret attacks) the Province of Southern Shores will defend its southern passes on the 16th of May, AS XVI on the fields of St. David. The site is approximately 25 acres of rolling hills on the U.C. Santa Cruz campus. Spectators will be able to see almost all of the fighting from the campsite. The nearest water and privys are about 1/8 of a mile away (sorry), so bring your water jugs and such. Four battles and numerous non-combatant events will take place throughout the day with a revel to follow the day's activities. The planned battles are: a field battle with archers and javelineers as well as heavy weapons, a ravine battle for heavy weapons only, a hill defense, and finally, an archery/javelin battle at the end.
The armies will be composed of both armoured and unarmoured fighters (archery armour), sorry but we haven't figured out how to safely include cavalry ... yet! Armoured troops are to wear standard SCA armor as approved for use in the Kingdom of the West. Please not that plate will not be considered proof against arrows! All armoured fighters are assuemd to be in chainmail and an iron cap. All helms must be screened against arrows and all weapons and armour will be inspected at the site.
Unarmoured troops are to be in archery armour as specified in TI #55. Light troops may carry approved combat archery equipment (see TI #55), boffer swords, javelins of 1/2" PVC with standard SCA thrusting tips of a length between 4' and 6' long, and bucklers not to exceed 15" in diamter. Boffer swords will be effective any and all light troops. Javelins may not be used to thrust with, except as approved at the site. All weapons and armour will be inspected at the site.
For additional information contact: Sir Thomas the Incomplete (contact info omitted).
From The Page (May, 1981):
The following Paid Advertisement appeared in the May Issue of The Page, it was written by Gerhardt von Nordflammen, also published in the First Folio of Gerhardt von Nordflammen, and Gerhardt retains copyright: © 1981, Lawrence Hyink III
34 And, lo, the Lord of Host was wroth with Israel, and the hordes of Westermark
scattered the Israelites like chaff before the wind.
25 And the women of Israel were made captive and strewed their hair in the streams and gullies and cried unto the heedless wind and were made to wear rubber suits and spike heels.
Genesis, Chpt. 68, verses 34, 35.
O victor in a thousand battles,
If you fight Westermark,
Look to your shoelaces.
The Westermark ... it is a far off land, the inhabitants
of which have three heads, wander about aimlessly and speak the tongue of chainsaws.
I attack Westermark, they attack back, I kill them all ...
they still attack ... I go to China instead.
I think I can propose a common cause for a sound alliance ...
Doe notte fighte themm when there bowelles bee fulle.
The Black Prince
And Roland spake unto good King Charles, saying; “God be
upon the side of the Westermarkers.”
To which the King reply; “How much be they paying Him.”
Chanson de Roland
“Victory or Acne!”
Battle Cry of the "Westermark Villein Volonteers”, the 272nd Regiment of Left-Handed Light Crossbowmen.
Throughout the ages the great warriors of history have paid tribute to the fighting prowess of Westermark. Now, the peace-loving peoples of this great and fertile land invite you the glorious fighters of the Kingdom of the West to share in their sacred legacy.
For now, the uxorious, blood-stained paw of the Southern Shores Fascist war-monger bandit gang stretches out to throttle the life from the innocent workers and peasants of the Westermark. Brazenly trumpeting their lies with blackened tongues, they lead the deluded, zombie-like masses of their dupes and flunkeys in a wanton war of aggression to prevent the noble and pacific peoples of Westermark from retrieving the brewery which was stoeln from them last year by the greedy, imperialistic brigands of Southern Shores.
Like one man, the Westermark rises to meet the cringing foe in noble combat, swearing never to rest until the beast is driving whining back to its offal-strewn lair! And all the freedom-loving peoples of the SCA, be they high or low, flock to stand with Westermark in their hour of need.
Will you be one of them? A high-minded ... and well paid devotee of justice.
OR WILL YOU BE A MEANLY SPURNED LACKEY FOR A BUNCH OF UNPRINCIPLED GULL-HUMPERS?
The choice is yours.
(The following is the "regular PAGE copy" in the May issue of the Page:)
WAR OF THE MINDS - PART II
The War of the Minds will take place at the College of St. David on May 16, A.S. XVI (being 1981 c.e.). The Shire of Westermark will attempt to invade the Province of Southern Shores (by way of mountain passes) in order to regain their brewery, which was lost in last year's War of the Minds. The Province of Southern Shores will attempt to deny the Army of Westermark access to those passes. Maps to the war site follow this announcement.
Set-up will begin at 10:00 am. The nearest water is at the privys, approximately 1/8 of a mile away (sorry). Bring your own water jugs and such. The ground is also very uneven (compared to most SCA wars); fighters are advised to wear good shoes with ankle support. Explanation of the day's combat conventions and the point scoring will occur at 11:30 am with armour inspection immediately afterwards. Fighting will commence at 12:00 noon (real time).
The battles will consist of a field battle with heavy infantry and skirmishers, a ravine battle for heavy infantry only, a hill defense with both heavy infantry and skirmishers, and finally a rear guard action consisting of only skirmish troops. The non-combatant events for war points are: the Bitching Contest (back by popular demand), Throw Rocks at the Nerds (how else do you get them out of your campsite?), Blindfolded Pavillion Set-up (have you ever arrived at 3 am with a borrowed pavillion and no flashlight?), and the Awards Relay Race (festoon yourself with power and prestige, but hurry or someone else may gain the "Ear of the King" before you!).
Also, occurring throughout the day will be a favor bartering contest. The winner will receive the title of "Most Beloved". Each person will be given a favor when they sign the waiver. The object is to obtain as many favors as possible. Favors may be obtained by whatever means you wish: take them from a dead fighter, pick your partner's pocket during a kiss, or whatever suits your honor. The winner will be proclaimed "Most Beloved" and given a seat of the highest honor at the revel. There will also be a Pamper a Babycakes contest (sponsor: Clan Babycakes). The winner will be the person who most effectively pampers one or more of Clan Babycakes.
Heed me, scouts and messengers for the Westermark/Souther Shores war! Much wile and wits will be needed to get messages through the enemy lines. Therefore, to test your culinary capabilities and creativity, a cooking contest will be held! In a dish, dessert or drink you must secrete a "cleverly hidden message," which must be smuggled through the enemy lines to the judges table at the following revel. For instance, tka ea message and "stuff it up a goose!?" THe winning entry will be awarded for cleverness. Any questions? Call Lady Eleyna Adkoshka (phone).
Directions and map omitted.
For further information contact: Baron Catalin di Napoli (phone) (the side of Justice); or Sir Thomas the Incomplete (phone) (the side of righteousness).
Description of this event (if any), taken from The Page, or from memory of at least one person who attended the event.
The West Kingdom History Website was created by and is maintained by Hirsch von Henford (mka Ken Mayer).