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The Eleventh Year

The Second Semi-Bi-Annual Insulter’s Guild Tourney -- Barony of the Angels
April 2, 1977

Held in Arroyo Seco Park, Pasadena, CA. the day after the feast of fools. The opening court was presided over by Rex and Regina Stulti and Their Calafian Highnesses, who endured a reverse Grand March. There was a contest to see who could elevate HH Arabella the best. She made her entrance ably assisted by Lord Jason Griffiths of Shadowhyrst and Lord Duryn the Red on a short of palanquin with long poles. Battle ribbons were presented by HH Arabella to all who had attended the Atenveldt/Caid Color Dispute and Awards of Legs were presented to Lord Gwydioan, Lady Anna, and Lorraine d’Alsace to replace the ones they had worked off the night before. Offering able heraldic assistance to the royalty were Brothers Bob, Bill, and Carl, and the Quackie Duck Herald, Baron John ap Griffin. A rousing game of Norse Stick Ball was held wherein it was discovered that HH Arabella did have legs and Lindia of Woodlyn somehow lost her skirt in the pile-on. There were no rules, except to win, which was made even harder by the fact that the men were foot-i-capped. Then HH Martin assisted by Jason Griffiths elevated Arabella to even higher heights. But then, Lady Käthe in a feat of great brilliance and very little effort escorted HH Arabella up a hill about twenty feet high, thereby getting Arabella even higher than anyone on the grassy knoll.

There was a hat toss and a “diplomacy” melee, where the only rule was make an alliance for as long as you need to and then forget it if you want to. The highlight of this was seeing Sir Hugh armed to the teeth with two swords, three axes, several knives in boots, belts, and mouth, defeated by stealth, treachery, and backhand nastiness, coupled with an onslaught of revengeful people on the field.

After Lunch Scheherazade Schwartzkopf and her Camel Drivers entertained the group with various routines, such as HH Martin and Lord Duryn the Red as the long-lost Corsican brothers a la Balanchine; several ladies complete with belly dancing costumes, full tights and leotards, glasses, and an undue amount of ungrace; the magic slipping kilt of Brother Bob (Robear du Bois); a beturbaned lady in a terribly eclectic outfit; and finally the entire bevy doing it all right afterr all. Then there was the ReQuest which Jason sent everyone out on because Fiona Bo-Peep was put to sleep by trickery, groups of questors being sent out on very dangerous missions which rewarded them with things like handsful of applesauce and bizarre clues from Sister Lupe. And the answer to the whole bloody mess was a rather convoluted arrangement of C-A-I-D. For which deviousness Prince Martin was rewarded by having several handsful of applesauce liberally strewn over his raven locks. The day ended on a note of Trimble and Trepidation because Jason and Fiona had to abdicate because they were “passing-over” the freeway to celebrate the other side of Easter and Baron John ap Griffin and Mistress Bjo ascended the throne for the remainder of the afternoon. Her Now Majesty awarded Lady Giesele Hildegaard with a cape pin for her service with the Mobile Kitchen. Frederick of Woodlyn won the contest sponsored by HM Bjo for projects that had gone awry with a frightening looking helm/cheese grater. The Insulter’s Guild admitted Lady Ann Christopher of Cheshire, Jason Griffiths of Shadowhyrst, Lord Duryn the Red, Lady Fiona Gregorovna (Natalya de Foix), Baron John ap Griffin, Mistress Bjo of Griffin (Flavia Beatrice Carmigniani), and Thin Robert of Lawrence. Fiona Gregorovna (Natalya de Foix) received the Order of the Plastic Turkey, an An Tir awarded, presented to her by Lord Wilhelm von Messer, in honor of her plastic laminated NFL mug, thereby putting her in such good company as Prince Edward Zifran, Bastard of Gendy, who wore green tennis shoes to his own coronation as Prince of An Tir.

“I had set up the ReQuest and made it look somewhat like the very successful quest held earlier that season. With way stations, riddles, artifacts to be used at subsequent stations, and a theme. The answers to the clues were all outrageous puns (I wish I could remember them for you but alas...), and the first letters of the four one-word answers made up the acronym CAID. We held the quest on the softball field so all could watch and benefit from the experience of others (the original quest was hard to "spectate" as it was hidden in the woods). At one of the bases, each team, along with the clue, got a handful of applesauce (which I had instructed must be placed into the hand of the highest ranking person on the team. Among others I remember getting Mistress Bevin Fraser of Stirling, Sir Hugh the Undecided and Master John ap Griffin).
     “When it was over and all had groaned and bemoaned loudly over the horrendous puns and all had been explained, (except for the applesauce), I was asked what the applesauce was for. I responded that I thought it would be amusing to see them carrying around these handfuls of applesauce and that this was its sole purpose. That's when I received my anointing, as it were.” – Martin the Temperate

[Lindia of Woodlyn somehow lost her skirt in the pile-on.] “... elastic waist, yellow satin ... the worst thing I ever made .... I was lucky my bra didn't fall off too ... Good thing I was wearing a leotard!!” – Lindia of Woodlyn

Description of this event, © Copyright 1980 by William R. Keyes (Wilhelm von Schlüssel)
This is from The History of the West Kingdom, Volume 1 (the only volume produced). When reading this text, please keep in mind the following disclaimer:

Disclaimer: This history may have errors in it, as much of the detail is “remembered” history, or as one of the cover pages of the original type-written manuscript states “The material within is derived from the information printed in The Crown Prints and in The Page, and from the memories of the participants.” The original document was typed on onion-skin paper, with hand-written notes (often in the margins). All attempts have been made to reconcile the notes with the original document.

Annotations, when they are added, are from The Annotated History of the West, Volume 1, which is the same text as Master Wilhelm's mentioned above, with commentary from members of the SCA who were active at the time of the event, and are added to help clarify questions and expand on what happened and why. This volume is copyright © Ken Mayer (Hirsch von Henford).

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