The following started showing up in issues of The Page, the West Kingdom Newsletter. As you might expect, how funny these are probably depends on your own sense of humor, but obviously someone thought they were funny ...
August, 1982, AS XVII:
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN THE SCA TOO LONG WHEN:
-- A geodesic dome inspires in you a desire to see if it can be turned into a Gothic cathedral.
-- You automatically bow to the cashier when she says, "Have a nice day!"
-- You spice your hot chocolate with cinnamon, ginger, and corriander.
-- Your mundane wardrobe has taken on a distinct medieval flavor.
Sister Gwynaeth the White
-- When the bride comes down the aisle at a large church wedding, you bow.
Lady Linda of the Lakelands
If you have a line or few that fits after "You know you're in the SCA when..." send it in to the PAGE.
September, 1982, AS XVII:
You know you're in the SCA when:
-- You see a sign, "ERIC Excavation Site," and wonder why they buried it.
Lady Ingrid the Fair
-- You start blazoning tatoos.
-- You try to decide between mundane and society functions, and find there are at least a dozen reasons why you really do not want to go to the mundane ones.
-- You try to find a job that doesn't conflict with meetings or tourney weekends.
-- You say "No I am not in a play!" before they ask.
-- Your mundane friends stop trying to save you from "those crazies" and start trying on your costumes just in case you have "an idea there"
-- BYOB means brew your own beer.
-- it occurs to you to take out a home improvement loan to get a better pvailion.
-- you have just finished a completely hand-sewn garment, and you are thinking of sewing another one.
Kathe Willig von Mainz
November, 1982, AS XVII:
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN THE SCA A WHILE WHEN:
-- Someone says something about going to court and you wonder what the King wants to see them about.
-- You have to start rebinding your costume books.
-- That mundane you explained costumes to in the library awhile back is about to be crowned.
Mistress Kathe Willig von Mainz
-- You give your small a wooden knife and he says it isn't real because "it doesn't have any tape".
Siobhan ni Seaghdha
-- You no longer need your kingdom newsletter to find the tourney sites.
Lord Sebastion von Baden
-- your drycleaner charges a flat rate on your cape and pavilion. He remembers their weight.
-- your office dresses are just over-tunics without veil, under-tunic or knife.
-- you address children up to age 12 as 'young lord' or 'young lady'.
-- you blazon 'stripy, very, gules and azure' the canvas on your neighbors new lawn chairs.
-- you start to bring your banquet gear out to the car before a mundane dinner-dance.
-- you ask a Peace Officer for directions to a tournament and he tells you where all the Shakespearan actors are rehearsing in the park.
-- it is really 'clothes' not 'costumes' in your thoughts.
-- you take and knit your own chain mail at the Queens tea.
-- it feels odd, when married, to leave the house with your hair uncovered.
-- you curtsey or bow to any person in a cape.
Lady Mariposa de los Montoyas
-- you go to your high school reunion and when men take your hand you keep expecting them to kiss it.
-- you have trouble hearing the announcer at a function and you feel like telling them to use a herald.
Morbine of Tor Denby
(later in the same issue)
"You Know You're In The SCA" is proving to be very popular in the Knowne World. Started in the GULL, the newsletter of Southern Shores, we reprinted it in the the PAGE when we needed filler and didn't want to chase through a lot of files for it. Since that printing we have gotten quite a large response: not only do we have ongoing contributions of lines enough to make this a regular column, we have also been reprinted in the newsletter of the Region of Lochac (Australia) and in the CROWN PRINTS, the kingdom newsletter for Caid (with our permission). These lines, short or long, seem to strike home: everyone has one or two such moments in memory. Herewith some lines reprinted, by permission, from the CROWN PRINTS:
-- On Monday mornings, you address your boss as "Your Excellency".
-- You wear your Tudor flat-cap wherever you by-our-Lady please.
-- You pass all the nudes in the art museum because they don't have interesting sleeves.
-- You miss the dialog in Romeo and Juliet because everyone has interesting sleeves.
-- You know your King better than your Governor.
-- You know your King better than your Boss.
-- You can blazon the device of every available brand of beer.
-- Hearst Castle looks mundane.
-- You nevere neede noman's advyse aboute no grammer & you spel as you wyshe.
-- You find yourself wanting to go to war.
-- Your lord's hosiery bill is larger than your own.
Amadea of the Shadow Mountain
-- The touch or mention of doubleknit polyester gives you hives.
-- You start watching historical movies, saying "I can make that!" when a new costume comes into view.
-- You look through your closet (which contains 7 full Tudor outfits, 4 Italian Renaissance outfits, 5 doublets, and 27 pairs of tights) and exclaim, "I haven't got a thing to wear to Coronation!"
-- You catch yourself singing madrigals in the shower.
Lord Dimitri Matyas Laszlo
-- You know Childs' Ballads better than the mundane Top 40.
Akela de Romanay
-- Someone asks you to a formal dinner and you want to wear your Italian Renaissance.
-- You refer to your boyfreind as "my Lord".
Lady Maeve-Ceridwen MacAuodhegain
Lyra Aithene of Aethelgard
January, 1983, AS XVII:
You know you're in the SCA when ...
... You habitually reach to pull the end of your cloak into your vehicle, no matter what you're wearing!
... Your wardrobe can outfit yourself and 5 others for an SCA event.
... You own more furs than an average millionaire's wife.
... your personnas own more things than you do.
... you start sleeping in your chemise.
... you constantly amaze salespeople by raving: "It's dreadful! Totally without redeeming shocial value! I'll take it!"
... you refer to areas by Kingdom, not by state (even in the mundane world).
... you invite your relatives over and serve them small birds in almond milk, sweet-and-sour fish, fungees, and rose petal pudding---for Christmas dinner.
... you think nothing of attending an SCA function in a bad neighborhood: you figure the muggers will probably figure you're crazy and possibly dangerous---and they're right!
... you see an English peddlar's wagon in an antique store, and want to buy it to take to tourneys (won't everyone be envious!).
... you start refering to your watch as an anachronometer.
... when you know someone with a real title, from a real European country, and your friends are momentarily baffled by this fact. ("Baron who? From Germany? But I haven't heard of... Oh, a real one!")
... your mailbox lists various aliases (and the mailman isn't sure what is a first or a last name).
... the clerk at the fabric store no longer asks what you're making, but what era.
... you start raiding steel banding from dumpsters because it makes great Tudor hoops and corset-stays.
... you think nothing of it when a man raves over the beautiful lace he bought the other day.
... you find that many of your most treasured possessions have absolutely no value (and very little use) in the mundane world.
... you donate to Gold Key instead of Goodwill.
... you start criticising the misinformation in museum exhibits.
... your mundane business letters start with salutations such as "Good Gentles."
... you refer to people merely in terms of being each others' lord or lady, not as husbands, wives, fiances, girlfriends, etc., etc.
... you go to the meat market and ask about getting a boar's head.
... you call up a friend to ask if she has a good recipe for peacock.
... when people refer to Queen ELizabeth, you assume they mean Elizabeth I. (Elizabeth II? You mean there's another one?)
... you're not at all sure of the lineage of the present English royalty, but you can recite all the interrelations of the Plantagenets, the Tudors, the MEdici's, the Valcis, the ...
-- Jilara of Carrowlea
... you take advantage of a free portrait sitting promotion at the local savings and loan,
and pose in your medievals.
... the first word out of your mouth when trying to restrain a rambunctions small is "Hold!"
-- Treya N'Iurge at Glana'bred
... your dog freezes when he hears you yell "Hold!"
-- thanks to Viscountess Jeanette of Briarrose, whose dog did.
-- You realize you speak three languages - English, Spanish and Herald.
-- you talk so openly about "getting ready for the War" that a lot of people think you're a paranoid survivalist.
-- you can say "An International non-profit educational organization dedicated to recreating and experiencing a wide range of medieval and Renaisssance arts and sciences by engaging in them and no, it isn't just a joust" without drawing breath. (From the Crown Prints, Caid)
April, 1983, AS XVIII:
FROM THE WESTERMARK CHRONICLER
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THE SCA WHEN ...
... You get your SCA membership card that shows that you're a member of the SCA.
- Lord Alexi Madras Lasagna
... You think you're in a play but you're not.
- Aleka de Hominy
... You don't have shoelaces.
- Lord Elric Oxmounter
June, 1983, AS XVIII:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THE SCA when ...
Your mother insists you stop talking to people about that crazy medieval society you're in because it embarrasses her.
Arial bas Avrahan
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