The Bards of Bedlam Filk Library

A Medieval Ballad

Lyrics by Kevin Perigrynne with Arrond the Gray and Ghandaharva Chandra

(To the Tune of: An Irish Ballad)

About a King I’ll sing a song
Rikkety-tickety tin
About a King I’ll sing a song
Who didn’t have his warrior’s long
Not only did he do them wrong…
He did every one of them in – them in
He did every one of them in.

The Crown Prince he considered weak
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
The Crown Prince he considered weak
So at the bridge o’er the creek
He bashed the Prince’s head from behind, the sneak
An’ threw the poor bastard in – ‘tard in
An’ threw the poor bastard in.

He tied all the Dukes to great big stones
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
He tied all the Dukes to great big stones
Told them all they were foreign loans
Then callously ignored their groans
And with a trebuchet cashed the all in, all in
With a trebuchet cashed the all in

The Counts and Masters roused his ire
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
The Counts and Masters roused his ire
So he lit all their castles on fire
And warmed his toes by the funeral pyre
And sipped at a bottle of gin, of gin
And sipped at a bottle of gin

The Knights he thought a rowdy band
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
The Knights he thought a rowdy band
And so arranged for them a last-stand
The battle was fierce and hand-to hand
They never came back again, again
They never came back again

He sent the squires off on crusade
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
He sent the squires off on crusade
But the poor lads were foully waylaid
For a Mongol warlord he had paid
To rid every one of his skin, his skin
To rid every one of his skin

The yeomen were the last he slew
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
The yeomen were the last he slew
The treacher merely poisoned the crew
With arsenic in their beery brew
Which must be a cardinal sin, ‘nal sin
Which must be a cardinal sin.

And when at last the barbarians came
He was playing for his side to win
And when at last the barbarians came
He shook their hands and called them by name
For he hadn’t really lost the game…
He was playing for his side to win, to win
He was playing for his side to win.

My tragic tale I won’t prolong
Rikkedy-tikkedy tin
My tragic tale I won’t prolong
But there is a moral to this song
It’s the difference twixt tight and wrong…
Is defined by the fellows who win, who win
Is defined by the fellows who win.

The West Kingdom History Website was created by and is maintained by Hirsch von Henford (mka Ken Mayer).