The Bards of Bedlam Filk Library

The Lady Doesn't Camp

Lyrics by Leah Raedaelf of Pagham

(To the Tune of: The Lady Is A Tramp)

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight
She likes the bardics, but never stays late
She won’t be bothered by the noises she'd hate
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

Doesn't like cooking over propane or coals
And can’t go sleep now on cots or bed rolls
Won't lay out canvas, or assemble the poles
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

     She likes to sleep with her TV on
     No heralds at dawn
     Their “Oyez”, oh no way

Hates sleeping outdoors, it's cold and it's damp
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

She wants a shower and to shampoo her hair
And if the night’s too hot, wants to crank up the air
Your party won’t wake her, because she’s not there
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

She wants a faucet when she’ll use her toothbrush
And she wants a mirror when she puts on her blush,
She hates the privies, wants her toilet to flush.
That's why the lady doesn’t camp.

     She likes to sleep with her TV on
     No heralds at dawn
     Their “Oyez”, oh no way

Hates sleeping outdoors, it's so cold and so damp
That's why the lady
That's why the lady
That's why the lady doesn’t camp.

(Crooners filk, Ducal Prize A.S. 38)

The West Kingdom History Website was created by and is maintained by Hirsch von Henford (mka Ken Mayer).