The Bards of Bedlam Filk Library

An Archer's Tale

Lyrics by Colin MacLear

(To the Tune of: The Man Who Never Returned,
aka Charlie and the MTA)

Gather round and hear my story, it’s about a yeoman bowman
Marching off for his kingdom’s war, pair of quivers full of arrows
And the enemy he’d harrow-- drop their pikemen by the score

          And could they ever get hurt?
          Well, they just might get hurt,
          If them arrows bounced real queer
          So he’d keep his range extended
          So them folks would be defended
          In their regular fighting gear.

Well then some oligarchs and bureaucrats, in Milpitation fashion,
Got some wind of that tale ‘n you bet, that there was talk of liability,
Some folks lost their civility and raced to remove the threat

          “Well, could they ever get hurt?”
          “Yah, they sure could get hurt
          Let’s not be misunderstood
          Go pad your tips and nocks and fletchin’,
          We don’t want to hear no kvetchin’
          This is done for your own good”

Come to think, now while we’re at it, there’s a rule or two needs tunin’
Cause our safety standard’s weak, them rattan swords can leave big bruises
And there’s armor that contuses and those shields can make joints creak

          “Well, will they ever get hurt?”
          “Nah, they’ll never get hurt
          It’ll be like God’s own law
          We know what’s best for every Kingdom
          And our praises they’ll be singin’
          from the West to Atlantia”

Well them rules got implemented, not a Kingdom has dissented
None would dare to cross the Board, but our archer’s doing fine now
Sits a throne and sips his wine now--Won his Crown with a boffer greatsword

          Yes, our archer’s doing fine now
          Sits a throne and sips his wine now
          Won his Crown with a boffer greatsword.

The West Kingdom History Website was created by and is maintained by Hirsch von Henford (mka Ken Mayer).