The History of the Kingdom of The West
Scrolls

G-d Hates Us Creative People.

Photo and Contribution
by Tatiana Nikolaevna Tumanova

G-d Hates Us Creative People.
At this point, I peel up the protecting paper and there's just the arms left to paint in. Easiest part of the whole deal, all primary colors; I don't have a drawing of the arms but I have the blazon (description) of them and to a herald, that tells me everything I need to know. The laurel wreath needs a little detailing, but it's simple, too, and done the same way the wooden ones were but in green instead of brown. Between the final calligraphy and now I've been struck by a brilliant idea for a motto. The original plan was to use that fine motto which fits Pelicans everywhere "Fac Ut Vivus" (Latin for "Get A Life") but I've been looking at proverbs from around the world and found the perfect one -- it's even German! The new motto is "Rast Ich, So Rost Ich" ("When I Rest, I Rust") which is perfect for a Pel-Laurel and especially apt for Johann, but the scrolling will have to change a bit to accommodate it. I sketch the altered scrolling on the tracing paper layout to see if it will work -- yes, it will. I draw it in freehand and paint it, then letter the motto freehand using the same gothic littera bastarda script (it's a little shaky -- should have practiced beforehand again, oh well!). Done, done, done! Ah, my life is my own again! And I won't be frantically painting the day before the event.

But the Creator sometimes seem to regret sharing the creative impulse with His creations, which is why all artwork is always in danger. Not only had I pulled off a very difficult subject, but I hadn't made a single mistake in the calligraphy! So off we went to Mists Fall Coronet. Oh, snicker, snicker, tee-hee, Johann is going to be so surprised! Well, there was a surprise, all right -- for me. A most unpleasant one.

We went to visit Johann and Kara in their beautiful encampment. Johann likes to make use of heraldry and he has his arms on a pennon on his sunshade, and painted on the back of his chair. He gets up from his chair to go get a hot drink, and there in the firelight are his arms. I am stunned. The line of division on the chief -- I had painted it on the scroll as flammetty! It's urdy! Of course it's urdy, and urdy isn't flame shapes, it's picket fence shapes, and -- HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THAT? I'M A HERALD, FER GOSSAKES!! HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BLOW THAT? HOW, HOW, HOW? An incredulous obscenity bursts from my lips and I strive to make a recover (I'm sure Dame Mira Silverlock probably thought I was suffering from a sudden fit of insanity -- or Tourette's Syndrome). I must hang about and make small talk and chit-chat and my mind is reeling. What can I do? How can this have happened? AAAAGGGHHHHH!!! Eventually I flee back to our own encampment. If there was a wall anywhere, I'd be banging my head against it. My friend and fellow scribe Aldith comes and speaks softly (beware of scribes having fits) and gently; Garth offers to drive home and fetch paint out to the site. No, I'd have to go -- he wouldn't know what to bring. Fear, Fire, Flood! "Now just calm down," Aldith says stoutly. "You can fix this." "Yes, if I had the right tools --" "Then you'll fix it -- later. Take it home with you after the event and fix it, then give it back to Johann." "But it's supposed to be signed and sealed here!" "Juana and Mary Elizabeth will understand, I'm sure." (Juana Isabella de Montoya y Ramirez is the Chancellor of Scribes; Mary Elizabeth Fairweather of Prior's Hardwick is the Vesper Principal Herald -- Juana will approve the scroll and seal it; Mary Elizabeth will review the document for accuracy and sign it along with the Royalty.)

Luckily for me, not only is my reputation as a scribe good ("Can you fix it?" "Yes." "Well, no problem, then.") but also my reputation as a herald ("Do you remember what 'urdy' looks like now?" "Just kick me and let up, okay?"). The mistake is explained to the King and Queen, who are also gracious about it. Everyone signs and Juana places the seals, and in due course the scroll is presented to Johann.

After court, I explain to Johann that the scroll has a mistake in it so he can't take it home -- I'll fix it and get the scroll back to him. "Yeah, I noticed the date." "The date?" "Yes, today is the twenty-ninth, and this says it's the twenty-eighth." "Gimme that!" Snatch! Sure enough, he's right -- now how had that gotten past me, Aldith, and four other people who were double-checking what they were signing and sealing? More teeth grinding. "That's NOT the mistake I meant -- " "Oh, is it the valence on the blue rip stop nylon tent? It's really pale blue, but maybe you wanted white there instead?" "Johann, go away before something else goes wrong. Oh, and congratulations."

Three mistakes! Well, back to the ol' drawing board where we'll just fix those glitches right up.

-- Tatiana Nikolaevna Tumanova

The West Kingdom History Website was created by and is maintained by Hirsch von Henford (mka Ken Mayer).