The History of the Kingdom of The West
Bardic Arts

The Lady Doesn't Camp
(to "The Lady is a Tramp")
by
Leah Raedaelf of Pagham, Bard of the West
Ducal Prize Tourney, A.S. 38
Crooners Filk Competition

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight
She likes the bardics, but never stays late
She won’t be bothered by the noises she'd hate
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

Doesn't like cooking over propane or coals
And can’t go sleep now on cots or bed rolls
Won't lay out canvas, or assemble the poles
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

          She likes to sleep with her TV on
          No heralds at dawn
          Their “Oyez”, oh no way

Hates sleeping outdoors, it's cold and it's damp
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

She wants a shower and to shampoo her hair
And if the night’s too hot, wants to crank up the air
Your party won’t wake her, because she’s not there
That's why the lady doesn’t camp

She wants a faucet when she’ll use her toothbrush
And she wants a mirror when she puts on her blush,
She hates the privies, wants her toilet to flush.
That's why the lady doesn’t camp.

          She likes to sleep with her TV on
          No heralds at dawn
          Their “Oyez”, oh no way

Hates sleeping outdoors, it's so cold and so damp
That's why the lady
That's why the lady
That's why the lady doesn’t camp.

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