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Bardic Arts

Squire Daniel's Demise
by
Catherine de Gray
(Story provided by King Alden)
March, 2005 (A.S. XXXIX)

Before Prince Daniel sat the throne, all Cynaguans to inspire,
Daniel was a humble man, just one of Alden’s squires.
And though I pray he’ll understand, quaking in fear for my life,
King Alden bids me tell you of… Squire Daniel’s Cruel Demise

Now Daniel is a courtly man as we all can tell,
A man of family and gentility, a mighty man as well
Yet even the greatest can fall at times from unplanned incident;
Daniel was beaten by a terrible foe: alcohol 40 percent

He came upon the Angels one night, being of that mighty band,
And there beheld the knights he knew with tankards full in hand,
And though Daniel’s not a drinking man, he joined them as they drank
For friendship is a mighty bond, worth the price of getting tanked

“I can drink along with you,” says our most noble squire,
And takes his place with the Angels as they sit around the fire
And though the Angels drank mightily of that drink most foul
Daniel would insist upon keeping up with the mighty crowd

“How are you feeling?” Thorfin asks, certainly not being cruel
“No problem!” says our Daniel, feeling mighty smug and cool
“To prove to you I can handle this drink they call the demon rum
I quote to you: The Big Black Bear ate the Big Black Bug!”

This tongue twister spoken so well, and heartened by his success,
Squire Daniel continues to drink along with all the rest
A little while later they ask his state as they refill his mug,
He answers still, “The Bi’ Black Beah Ate Th’ Big Black Bug!”

Hours pass, the rum still flows, and still the Angels drink on
Daniel keeps them company, though sobriety now has gone
When asked again how does he fare, he answers with a shrug,
And proudly says, “Th’ Bi’ Bla’ Beah A’ Th’ Bi’ Bla’ Bluh!”

Now the night grows cold and dark, even Angels must sleep sometime,
So Duke Alden takes his squire in hand, who by now is feeling fine
He firmly tells Daniel to take his rest, before the rising of the sun,
But Daniel insists: “Th’ Bi’ Bla’ Bea’ A’ Th’ Bi’ Bla’ Buh!!”

Finally Alden goes to bed, thinking all is well
His squire is sleeping soundly, as far as he can tell
But then he hears an awful sound, that of a man undone,
For Daniel’s now a victim of bears, bugs and demon rum

Pity Daniel as he cries, “O GOD!!!!” Unto the saints he calls!
As illness now strikes him down, O hear the mighty fall!
Daniel begs it all to stop, for mercy from above,
O woe to that big black bear who ate the big black bug!

Hours later his pleas to heaven perhaps have now been heard,
The illness passed, save an aching head and a stomach that still churns
Yet now he must present himself unto his lady-love
And explain to her how the big black bear ate the big black bug

So Daniel fought a battle hard, perhaps a lesson learned:
Never drink with Angels for fear you might get burned!
At the least, when rum’s involved, to never try and keep up
Lest he fall victim once again to bears, and bugs and rum.


"Written at the request of His Majesty Alden, as a "jest" for his princely squire ... based upon true events! With abject apologies from myself to His Highness Daniel! Performed at March Crown, A.S. 39." -- Catherine de Grey


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