Young Questofor came to his mother,
He was dressed all in green,
And laying his head on her breast
He said, "I must go on a quest,
For I would not still a virgin be
By the time I reach fifteen."
"My father will give me his trusty steed;
Lord Randall, his sage advice.
Good fortune I trow must be mine,
Though I stand but four-foot-nine,
For I am a brave and a lusty lad --
And in choosing, I'm not over-nice."
His mother looked long at her growing son --
Part man, part devil, part elf --
Then slowly she gave him her blessing.
(She knew 'twas no use confessing
That deep inside she was sick at heart:
She'd been saving him up for herself.)
Then Questofor quitted his castle home
And to a tourney did come.
He gazed into each pavilion,
And vowed, "Though it take a million
Attempts to find the one I'll love,
I'll be blooded ere set of sun."
He walked back and forth on the greensward,
Passing the damsels between
And thought, "Though they are all appealing,
So strong is this feeling I'm feeling,
If I get no results with the others, by Gad!
I'll even go after the Queen!"
First prayed he of the Lady Gerry
His heart to take in thrall.
She considered: "Perhaps I can,
If you'll prove yourself a man,
And show your ardor in combat to-day
Singlehanded against Toad Hall."
Then came he to the Lady Hightower,
Crying, "Madam, a boon I'd crave!"
She replied, while tapping a beer,
"Good Questofor, though you're a dear,
I prefer furry men with long hair and beards --
And you've not yet begun to shave."
Then came he unto Quinn Yarbro
And at her stage-costume he leer'd.
"Meseems full many a position
Of mime, inviteth coition."
"Oh I'll teach you passion, commedia-style,
But my make-up must not be smear'd!"
Then came he to the Lady Phoenix
Resplendent in satin pants;
As the pipes and tabors were playing,
She could not hear a word he was saying,
But undulated beneath his chin:
"Come back when I've finished the dance."
Then begged he of the Lady Janet
That into her tent he might steal;
"Three passions in life has my lord --
His child, his wife and his sword;
If ever you lie with me you must
Keep a tryst with Lady Peel."
Then came he to the Lady Mary-nel
All decked in a bright new gown:
"Alas! all your hopes are dead --
This very day shill I wed;
I'm meeting Geoff at the church eftsoons,
After that, we'll be out of town."
Then came he to the Lady Diana,
Who said, "You are young, strong and fair;
Full seven hundred T.I.'s
Must I collate and print ere sunrise;
I need a tireless lad to crank
That mimeograph over there."
Then came he to the Lady Karina
Basking beneath twin suns.
But her lord would not let her philander:
"Young man, if you do not unhand her,
She'll draw a deep breath and scream so loud
It'll burst your two ear-drums!"
Then came he unto fair Paravel,
And the tears did spring to her ee;
With a pale and maidenly blush,
She spoke in a reverent hush:
"For shame, for shame, good Questofor,
You're far too old for me."
Then came he to the Lady Johanna,
Who was not blind to his charms:
"I need a strong man's aid
With all that I have here displayed --
It's getting to heavy for me to lift,
So please take the Great Book in your Arms."
Then came he unto Ma Zimmer,
Saying, "Ma, my back's to the wall.
I know you have a kind heart;
Oh please, please give me a start!"
"I'm sorry, my boy, but right now I must
Go home and cook dinner for Paul."
So came he unto Her Majesty,
Who smiled and said, "None of your tricks!
I would not wish you harm;
But if I give alarm,(spoken:)Would be down on you like a ton of brikes!"
Sir Bela, King Stephen, Duke Henrik, Duke Siegfried, Lord Breakstone, Master Edwin Bersark with four hundred loyal knights and 'squires, not to mention my mother, the Horse Guards, Michael Kurland, two falcons, Bill Hunker and a highly excitable parrot ...
The evening sun was setting
When Questofor sadly went home.
His mother looked up in surprise
As he said, with tears in his eyes,
"Celibacy is my destiny,
I'm joining the Church of Rome."
The West Kingdom History Website was created by and is maintained by Hirsch von Henford (mka Ken Mayer).